I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
