her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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