I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
