He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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