his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
