i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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