he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
