I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so let's talk penis.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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