Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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