What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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