Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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