Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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