Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
that may or may not have been my penis.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
