Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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