I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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