Where did you get a picture of my penis
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
