If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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