she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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