Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
