so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
