Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
