last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
