I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Randomize
