I skipped work to stalk him.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
