wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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