We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
