She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
