I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
