dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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