I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
