If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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