I'm passing your future prison.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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