I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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