I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
