i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
