I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
