I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I deserve this hangover.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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