we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
