dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
