lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
