he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
