I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
