I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i think i have herpe
just one?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
