Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
