That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
