I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
