Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
