You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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