Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
