Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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