I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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