I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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