were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
