dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
