She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
